May 2009 Intensive Meditation | Day 18
It has been nice weather here for the past week. I spent a lot of time walking up the hill at the park (mountain). Once I tried running it and made it 3 km up only to be stopped by a splitting headache. I never get headaches when I run. There’s a slight chance it was a caffeine headache – but I don’t always drink more than one cup after breakfast and haven’t had one in a long time – a year? It started at 2 km. I ran through it until 3, and that was that. I walked a bit up, and still – was pounding really hard. Turned around and walked down in mindfulness.
I’ve spent a lot of time in mindfulness and a lot of time questioning things without coming up with anything in particular. The note I showed you a few posts ago (see below)
Is still on my table here where I do my writing. I’ve taken the hint and only really focused on the mental objects that come and go in my mind for the last week. “Mind” and “Mental objects” are the only two things legible anymore. It’s a good place to focus I guess considering meditation where I’m sitting down and watching breath – seems pointless. So, instead, I go through my day catching myself (making myself aware of) the mental objects that are there.
There seem to be less and less mental objects going on as time passes. Once I note one – it drifts away… not returning often. Sometimes not at all.
What are mental objects? You might ask…
Sensory inputs – Sounds. Touches. Emotions. Thoughts. Urges. Judging. Attachments to something (liking something, or thinking it necessary that it continue to bring happiness or keep pain away…).
Things I see – if I’m looking at them for any length of time and I realize it – I ask – what is it I’m looking at and why? I note the mental action that was taking place… and it goes away.
Things like that. Just things that are occupying the mind I make a note of.
Other than that – I’ve been thinking about starting a period of quiet to go along with this period of intense mindfulness, or meditation if you want to call it that.
I notice that when I talk I’m usually joking too much. I’m sarcastic and trying to be funny all the time with my girlfriend. Sometimes she takes it the wrong way – especially if she’s stressed from working. She has a lot of responsibility at work. A lot of people count on her to do things a certain way and to help them get through their stay. Sometimes I notice I’m not helping ease her mind any – I’m providing more anxiety… less peace and calm.
I think I’m going to try to shut up for a while. See how that goes. I think the added benefit of having me look inward more could also result. Maybe? Not sure. Let’s see what happens. Not sure if I’ll write or chat or do anything like that really. A week of quiet – that sounds about right. Let’s see if I can pull that off…