This is part of my Meditation Journal where you can find dozens of more posts like this.
Journal Date: 9-7-07
Reaction, ego, and emotionality all return with a vengeance! It seems that the last 5 days were filled with the mind being on edge. Most times were calm, yet, when a difficulty presented itself the mind reacted fast and very negatively. I think I’ve sworn more in the past couple days than during all my time in Thailand combined.
I have this idea that the mind noticed that it was slipping away… the ego was dissolving. Disenchantment with things was starting to take place again (It happened for the first time in the late 1990s).
The mind revolted – it didn’t want to go away again. Meditation sessions were filled with a noisy and chatty mind – untamable most times – or only for minutes at a time. I could not just stop the thoughts as I used to – and have a mind that was without thought and reactions. Very strange. Anyway, see the video if you want, there’s more to it than that.