Today I went to one of my favorite quiet spots. I layed down and watched the mind as it responded to stimuli in the environment – sensed by one of the senses…
To say I watched the mind is not accurate – but I’m at a loss how to explain what happened.
There doesn’t appear to be a watcher unless I want the watcher there. The watcher is that which is aware that I do what I do. It is the ego I guess. It’s the “me” that I think is me. I can make it stay all day as I do work on the computer – building websites, doing everything I need to do to make $ to survive and provide for my family.
Well, when it’s quiet… when I’m not ‘doing’ anything – it isn’t there. Me – isn’t there. But, there is some awareness of what is going on in the mind as the mind registers sounds, sights, pain…
Memory still works too. After I come out of the session where I was just aware of what went on… I can remember the strange experiences too.
There was a strange occurrence today…
The eyes were closed – but the eyeballs behind the eyelids were focused out somewhere – past the nose – straight out. The body was sitting now.
There’s some awareness of a screen or field of vision -even with eyes closed. It’s an area that’s lit up a big – like sitting in a car and looking through a windshield of a car – which would represent the field of vision shape – roughly.
As the mind was aware of itself noticing sounds and things and yet creating no thought or linking to memories to figure out what the sounds were the field of vision shifted… and all turned left. As it did, it revealed a few layers – I didn’t count. I just watched. All the layers rotated left so I was looking at the sides of them – from an angle.
The left most layer which was brightest – yet still very dull in brightness or hue, dropped away and disappeared. Leaving the other layers. But, when it dropped there was a reality shift in the mind. Something changed.
The mind was aware of this state for a while (15 minutes??) and then the eyes opened and looked at the mountain in front of the eyes. The eyes showed the mountain to the mind – and the mind responded – showing colors and shape… and that’s it… no more movement. No naming it – ‘mountain’. No naming the color green or the trees “trees”.
Gradually I came out of it – or rather, came back into it – the ‘me’ came back into it and got down from the stand and walked down the path to return home.
I wish I had photoshop skills to show you what happened visually…
I’ll try to explain again what it resembled…
Picture looking at an 8×10 piece of paper horizontally in landscape mode – right out in front of you. This is the field of view – or the screen of your mind you see when your eyelids are closed but eyes are open behind them.
The paper started rotating left – as if on an axis in the center of the 11″ side. As it rotated I saw there were multiple papers – some inches apart that also rotated the same way… so now there were 2, 3 or more slices of paper turned at an angle so I could see how thin the slices were and that there were more than 2 or 3.
The one on the left fell over flat to the left and then fell beyond view and disappeared. This left the others standing – and they were much darker and less defined than the first slice of paper. They were fuzzy and got fuzzier and darker the more to the right I looked, at the far right seeming to blend in with the dark of my field of vision as it was then – very dark, amorphous.
Hope that helped.
During this meditation (before the strange experience above) I also focused on the hands in the lap for a while… eventually the breath slowed and the hands disappeared… the body disappeared briefly and came back… the hands – forearms stayed gone for some minutes…
ok – that’s enough writing – tired tonight…