Meditation Journal Entry from 1999
one just finished meditating for a half hour. A fairly blank peace came over the self rather quickly (immediately). The back didn’t hurt. The mind didn’t wander far. At one point the breathing slowed and the body started the numbness that used to be familiar. Now this one couldn’t even remember what it was like.
One felt static, until the mind became tired and started to drift toward sleep.
There was a stillness. There was a quietness of the mind for a time unlike its state for months now.
There is good in meditation, and peace. There is no other place to find it. It certainly isn’t in love. It certainly isn’t in other things coming to mind at the moment. Not in work. Not in sport and the ensuing competition it creates.
One talked to Hannah today. Her discoveries in the World are so FRESH. Her foot was twinkling today she told Laura. Apparently, it had fallen asleep. We adults have such drab phrases for events. No wonder we are bored and seek outside stimulation and stimulation of the mind through looking at the future and the past. If we were in the present we could see so much more. Experience so much more. Live so much more.
The silence in my head when I stop doing, is in a sense, the loudest noise I’ve ever heard. It means something colossal, and yet there is nothing there to tell me what it means. I don’t feel like I’ve reached nirvana. I haven’t done it through the jhanas. I have been in jhana 8, but, I didn’t go the entire distance. I didn’t let go of the final piece.
The process has been going on its own without meditation, I know. But, I don’t think it has gone the entire way. I still get angry at people in traffic that endanger the lives of me and my family. Here in Thailand that is a pretty regular occurrence. I’m over it quickly, but still, it happens automatically as I’ve attached to the idea that we must always be ‘safe’. If I had reached nirvana – I don’t think I would have these emotions. I am not sure, I just think that I’d likely not have them.
Five minutes ago I closed the eyes. There it was. Silence like standing in the middle of Antarctica, or a deep cave. It is a bit disconcerting to stay in that silence for long because I know it isn’t a normal human experience. It isn’t something most people are experiencing, and in truth, I’ve not known anyone to have experienced it. I have read a lot by now about meditative experiences. I’ve read the masters’ accounts of jhana and some monks’ and nuns’ accounts of passing into nirvana. I don’t remember anybody mentioning having a mind that was absolutely still anytime they stopped doing.
I’ll re-read Jiddu’s and UG Krishnamurti’s accounts of “the process” and what it entailed. Maybe there was something about it.
I think I mentioned, the new meditation book is nearly done. I am reviewing it for a final time before I send to three people I know that will review it. I’ll make final adjustments and then let it go on Amazon. If you want a free copy before that happens, just send me email and I’ll send it your way on PDF or whatever other format you require.