Meditation Re-Starts Journal Day 1 | 1998

Meditation Journal


This morning at maybe 6:30 as one was sitting on the balcony of our 7th floor hotel room in Melbourne, Florida one saw a gentleman walking along the beach below coming towards where one was. It appeared as if he had noticed this body sitting there, but one could not be sure because there were probably 100 other rooms facing the man as well. The man appeared maybe 60 – 70. He stopped about 120 yds. Away, crossed his arms and stood staring up towards one. At this time one felt strongly that this man was looking at ones self.

So there we stared for perhaps 2-4 minutes. This body moved not a bit, nor did the man move. Many things went through this mind at this time. One felt threatened at first–then had a realization that this man could not harm one from our current positions, nor would he ever be able to identify this face if we passed right by each other at some layer time. No threatening gesture was made save the staring.

One had a thought that one didn’t wish the man to feel any threat coming from one’s own self because it may appear to this man as if this one was threatening him by watching him walk down the beach when he thought he was in seclusion away from prying eyes. One wondered how soon the man would break the stare and continue on his way. One wondered if the stare should be broken or if something could be observed here.

One chose to observe. One tried to make peace thru the distance. One closed the eyes to lessen any threat. One felt no “self” so the man would not see a self and feel threatened–nor would he feel any ill-will. One imagined no self, no time, no thought, and no man staring and blanked out for a time.

Upon opening one’s eyes the man still stood staring–but then turned away–arms still folded and walked toward the water with his head down–perhaps questioning why he had bothered to stop and stare at this body. Perhaps he wondered if this one slept–or had died. This one closed the eyes again and thought of nothingness.

When the eyes opened the man stood again, much closer this time–perhaps 80 feet away and looked right at one for a short time with his arms crossed. This one remained motionless and the man turned and walked off out of sight. One thought briefly to raise one’s arm and wave to let the man see one meant no harm or threat–but this didn’t happen.

Instead, one attempted to know the man thru this space without any communication save us looking at each other, strangers from a distance.

Enlightenment, Societal Consciousness

Thought today as listening to Alan Watts cassette that I am on the verge of enlightenment at any time. As I sit here experiencing the view out the dining area window One feels intuitively that if a shift occurred in the thought process then enlightenment would come and completely take over the mind and thought process. There is no inherent study that must take place. Maybe the questioning process that I’ve been following has lead to this point.

Could that little bit of mindfulness yesterday and the day before have produced this feeling/awareness?

I will put the watch back on again and keep resetting when it gets to 10 minutes up. It’s a great mindfulness bell.

One thought today that the individual thought processes of the mind are really expressed by the interactions of mankind as a whole. The tiny thought/feeling/knowledge of fear in the individual causes him/her to alienate those ( and be alienated too) that are different from ones self. This tiny snowball rolls and rolls and shows up in every country around the world. Every war! Every disagreement between nations, people, etc. Jealousy and greed, individual traits, show up also as jealousy between nations regarding riches, natural resources, etc.

There is nothing that is expressed in society that is not played out in most everyone’s mind at the individual level first. The result of society is accumulation of all of the individual’s within that society. All societies are the same. No one questions every single thing they’ve been taught. No one quiets the mind to find what is the essence of man. No one challenges every belief they hold as worthless. As a result the mind runs rampant.

The physical mind is a tape recorder that learns instantaneously, and then directs the body to respond according to those learned rules. The problem occurs when the mind learns as the result of ONE experience, and thereafter in a similar situation, will not allow the body to act in a different way (without preconceived notions) and so the predictable result occurs, reinforcing the mind’s erroneous conclusions.

The entire world could live at perfect peace with itself. What has happened is that society has reinforced us looking at ourselves as individuals. From the time a baby is young he is taught to hold on tightly to the concept of “I”. He is fed things on a daily basis, building up the ego and the sense of “I”.

This HUGE process creates division between people of every type: race, beliefs, religion, color, geographical location, color of hair, number of teeth, IQ, political beliefs, likes, dislikes, etc.

The entire process of society is to create individuals that are separate from the masses. This separation creates competition.

Competition is extremely harmful to the individual, and, ultimately, only benefits society in the form of greater technological advances, better living conditions, living longer, etc.

Separation from Society through Meditation

Today this one meditated in the morning on the spa. It was nice. The mind is quiet at this hour’without having accumulated the garbage/candy that it does throughout the day. One found that a wanting for something to happen was present. One forced the body to sit without wanting. A peace was found, though not a profound deep peace. More a surface type of peace. One started out the day after meditation with mindfulness the goal. This lasted all of 3-6 minutes while making breakfast. Then was gone.

At various times throughout the day one asked ‘Who is looking at whom’in the mirror’. And, while meditating, ‘Who is the one looking at the body, or observing the inner observer. One is wondering now whether there is any inner observer that the outside body can see and sense’because the body does not know it. It is the shell that surrounds the body. It is the chattering and personality of the mind. The inner observer does not have a personality. It is just there. Not wanting, not desiring, not becoming.

The mind and body do all of their striving on their own without the guidance of the inner observer. Only when we focus on attention is there any knowledge of the inner self. Without the quietness of the mind with it’s endless reverberations and chasing after something’the inner observer is not known. The mind carries on the work of the society of which it is part. After all, the society made it and ‘us’ who we are. The mind seeks to satisfy the body in it’s place in society. It conforms to societal expectations, it strives within societal bounds. It has rebellious thoughts against society’yet this is a result of society too!

There is no innate striving towards rebelliousness in the society we are part. What is there of our personality that is of OUR OWN (unique?) nature? Is there a unique nature?

This one thinks not. At the very core of our being is the inner observer. At this level one feel’s that everyone is clonelike. Everyone has this exact same experience/quality/’worldself’ that is in union with every other individual in the world. It is our societal influences that mold the mind/body into separate beings. There is not a being out there who is not unique from the mind/body perspective. Any experience one has ever had’has changed the person in some way’small or great. Of little consequence, or catastrophic/monumental. Yet, at the heart of the person, is this constant substance of man that is consonant with every other living man.

Dr. Supawanich said last night at dinner at the Vietnamese restaurant that he thought there was a pattern in this society for people to worry because they felt like they were expected to. An older person who says that they are not worrying about some upcoming life-changing event for themselves’or loved ones, may be seen as less human than someone who does not admit to worrying. Or, who truly does not worry about the event.

In this same way, someone who does not work an 8 hour day in this society feels less human and less as if he is doing his part. He/she feels guilty and lacking in character. Despite being perfectly satisfied living a life of less material comfort. One would even go through the motions of making a ‘decent living’ for all of the others involved in his/her life, rather than live the life as he feels to be right/correct. One could read the teachings/words of a man who has analyzed all of society and our place in society and said exactly the same things as one feels consonant with’yet he will not change because to change means to admit defeat in this society.

To change is too great a risk and a step away from society. IT is too bold a move. It is something that is looked at as ‘dropping out’ of society. It is a ‘loser’ way of living. The strong strive for the candy of life. They strive to excel. To beat out others that are striving too. To win the competition of life.

After all, those winning the competition are those with the lexus, the 250K + house, the boat, the vacation house, the bikes, the windsurfers, the motorcycles-for fun, the ATV’s , the water skis, the Sport Utility Vehicles, the Ethan Allen Furniture. The ones that eat out at the nicest restaurants, that are shrewd in business, that eschew their family lifestyle for one of striving for material attainment, that travel to all areas of the nation and world, that have the latest gadgets: Cell phones, computers, big screen TV’s, Faxes, etc. These are the people that are looked up to in our society. These are the ones with status. The ones that all moms and dads want their kids to grow up and be like.

Little kids want the best basketball shoes made.

Fathers yell at mothers and children because they don’t do something consonant with what society demands.

Parents are in bad moods because monetarily they are striving for something they cannot have. Nobody is satisfied with a certain level of wealth. It is a process of striving that is not quelled, it is only fuel for a further goal down the line.

People have lost their perspective of what is healthy, what is good, what is just, what really matters.

How many have asked themselves what REALLY MATTERS IN THEIR LIVES? And of those few, how many have sought to change their lives in that way? And of those, how many have succeeded, and how many have given up to society’s overwhelming pressure? The pressure of friends and family is an unyielding pressure that punishes with guilt/shame/fear. The strongest influences that man knows.

How does one separate from society? How does one choose another path with conviction and determination? How does Krishnamurti believe that we JUST DO, without thinking about it? I guess when we think about it we are rationalizing… using our minds tools that were created with societal influence. We can never, by thinking, make a choice that is outside of society.