Changing States of Consciousness While Meditating | 1998

Meditation Journal Entry from 1998

Mind Shift… Conscious Dimension Shift…

Sitting in the reclining chair with my feet up on my desk I was mindful of breath for 15 minutes while fern showered. I settled down in about 10 minutes and started to shift to different consciousness states and patterns in my mind. At about 13 minutes I felt my whole mind shift to a different place. Not a different level, just to a diff. plane, dimension, or 2nd order change in the mind’s process. I felt as if the old mind’s ways were displaced or shifted. Then fern called from the bathroom for a towel. Oh well right? I felt anger well up inside for being disturbed during this incredible time and then it gradually gave way when I felt her in my arms and her arms around me.

Even in that state I was able to become attached to the idea that it would continue… but now – nothing…I feel very relaxed now, and mellow.

Mind Shift While Rollerblading – Shifted Consciousness

Mindfulness While Rollerblading… Mind Shift

While rollerblading with Fern I noticed that when I looked down at the pavement there was a point where the pavement started to turn blurry (about 5 feet in front of us as we rode). Different colors were seen in the pavement in streaks. Not only did the pavement appear grey, but it was other colors as well. I saw white, green, and red too. These combined to make the grey. Continuing to look down, the eyes saw that if the blurryness was focused upon the most amazing thing happened… The pattern of blurriness appeared to change from only a linear pattern like

l l l l

l l l l

l l l l l l l l

l l l l l l l l l l l l

l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l l

Left foot Right foot

and coming at this body in this pattern, to a pattern that can only be described as fluid-like (water-like) and a pattern like fish scales that moved horizontally, diagonally, and vertically. The entire effect on the mind was like a fantasy state where one felt as if a waterfall was being skated upon. An instant sense of calmness, mindfulness, and non-thinking were prevalent upon the mind. There was no time, no skates, no “me”, no “Fern”. So entrancing was this state that the eyes didn’t notice cars or bikers coming towards it!

The other experience was that when one looked at the pavement far in front (say 6+ feet) it appeared as the mind has known concrete all along–as solid, unchanging, immovable, inflexible, etc. But, when the eyes focused on that point in space where the solid line started to blur because of the speed the body moved over it a remarkable thing was observed. Reality turned to fantasy at about the 5 foot away mark. The solid turned to liquid and impermanent, changing, flexible, moving, etc. The mind registered this and then when the eyes looked away at the trees and surroundings a certain impermanence and transitoriness was observed in all that the eyes examined. Nothing seemed as one has known (experienced) it to be all along.

While meditating tonight a curious thing was experienced. I saw the shadows or shapes of two heads, the one on the right was turned towards the one on the left who was facing me (as if I were observing it). The shape on the right said, why don’t you tell him that I’m inside you, to the other head shape. The one on the left said nothing, but was trying to figure out what the R. Head meant. Then “I” realized that the L head shape was myself as I meditated trying to figure out what the R head meant. Then I realized that the R head was me also! But, it was the essence of me (soul?) that was telling the “outward me” (the body the essence is using) that it needed to tell the entire organism that the essence exists inside of this body (host).

I was quiet for much of the meditation tonight. Some thoughts came and went. Some were lingered upon. Sometimes all was quiet and no thought (or awareness of breathing) was known. Other times the mind showed visual scattergories of subjects. One that sticks in mind was a key that was stuck inside something that had a (carved?) out section to fit the key exactly (like an inlaid pearl), but not that the key would fit exactly (like a lock). It was as if two wooden blocks or coconut halves were separated and the key lay inside one of the halves and fit just perfectly as if it was there, hidden, waiting to be used. I remember thinking that this is a key for some aspect of mindfulness/meditation.

Layers of Reality 6-21-09

Today I went to one of my favorite quiet spots. I layed down and watched the mind as it responded to stimuli in the environment – sensed by one of the senses…

To say I watched the mind is not accurate – but I’m at a loss how to explain what happened.

There doesn’t appear to be a watcher unless I want the watcher there. The watcher is that which is aware that I do what I do. It is the ego I guess. It’s the “me” that I think is me. I can make it stay all day as I do work on the computer – building websites, doing everything I need to do to make $ to survive and provide for my family.

Well, when it’s quiet… when I’m not ‘doing’ anything – it isn’t there. Me – isn’t there. But, there is some awareness of what is going on in the mind as the mind registers sounds, sights, pain…

Memory still works too. After I come out of the session where I was just aware of what went on… I can remember the strange experiences too.

There was a strange occurrence today…

The eyes were closed – but the eyeballs behind the eyelids were focused out somewhere – past the nose – straight out. The body was sitting now.

There’s some awareness of a screen or field of vision -even with eyes closed. It’s an area that’s lit up a big – like sitting in a car and looking through a windshield of a car – which would represent the field of vision shape – roughly.

As the mind was aware of itself noticing sounds and things and yet creating no thought or linking to memories to figure out what the sounds were the field of vision shifted… and all turned left. As it did, it revealed a few layers – I didn’t count. I just watched. All the layers rotated left so I was looking at the sides of them – from an angle.

The left most layer which was brightest – yet still very dull in brightness or hue, dropped away and disappeared. Leaving the other layers. But, when it dropped there was a reality shift in the mind. Something changed.

The mind was aware of this state for a while (15 minutes??) and then the eyes opened and looked at the mountain in front of the eyes. The eyes showed the mountain to the mind – and the mind responded – showing colors and shape… and that’s it… no more movement. No naming it – ‘mountain’. No naming the color green or the trees “trees”.

Gradually I came out of it – or rather, came back into it – the ‘me’ came back into it and got down from the stand and walked down the path to return home.

I wish I had photoshop skills to show you what happened visually…

I’ll try to explain again what it resembled…

Picture looking at an 8×10 piece of paper horizontally in landscape mode – right out in front of you. This is the field of view – or the screen of your mind you see when your eyelids are closed but eyes are open behind them.

The paper started rotating left – as if on an axis in the center of the 11″ side. As it rotated I saw there were multiple papers – some inches apart that also rotated the same way… so now there were 2, 3 or more slices of paper turned at an angle so I could see how thin the slices were and that there were more than 2 or 3.

The one on the left fell over flat to the left and then fell beyond view and disappeared. This left the others standing – and they were much darker and less defined than the first slice of paper. They were fuzzy and got fuzzier and darker the more to the right I looked, at the far right seeming to blend in with the dark of my field of vision as it was then – very dark, amorphous.

Hope that helped.

During this meditation (before the strange experience above) I also focused on the hands in the lap for a while… eventually the breath slowed and the hands disappeared… the body disappeared briefly and came back… the hands – forearms stayed gone for some minutes…

ok – that’s enough writing – tired tonight…